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In a world where professional success and personal connections go hand in hand, one of the most valuable qualities you can develop is the ability to strike a balance between warmth and assertiveness. If you've ever wondered how some people seem to effortlessly command respect while still maintaining genuine, positive relationships, this is the key.
These insights come from Dr. Alison Fragale's book Likeable Badass, where she emphasizes the importance of being both assertive and warm to create lasting influence and strong relationships. Her framework encourages women to combine confidence with compassion to navigate the world in a way that makes them not just capable leaders, but also approachable and genuinely impactful.
Let's break it down with a visual from Alison Fragale's work that shows the balance of assertiveness and warmth. As we explore the concept of being a "Likeable Badass," we’ll look at why combining confidence with compassion makes all the difference.
The Axis of Influence
The chart above, from Likeable Badass, presents a clear model for understanding the characteristics that define a "Likeable Badass." It’s divided into four quadrants:
Assertive, Capable, Competent, Confident (The Likeable Badass)
This is the sweet spot. A "Likeable Badass" is someone who can be assertive, competent, and confident without losing their ability to connect on a personal level. They are neither cold nor distant nor passive and meek. They have a strong sense of their own value, are capable of leading with confidence, and also exude warmth and care for others.
Key Traits: Assertiveness, competence, confidence, warmth, empathy.
Cold, Indifferent, Self-Serving
People who fall into this category may be assertive and confident but are perceived as cold, self-serving, or indifferent. They may come off as domineering or disconnected because they lack the warmth that fosters trust and connection. While their assertiveness might make them effective in some situations, they are less likely to build strong, positive relationships or influence others.
What to Avoid: Over-focusing on yourself at the expense of others, being distant, or coming across as self-centered.
Passive, Shy, Unqualified
At the other end of the spectrum, you have individuals who may be warm and friendly but lack the assertiveness or competency to truly make an impact. They may struggle with asserting themselves, have low confidence, or feel passive about taking charge in situations. While they are approachable and likable, they may not be seen as leaders or effective contributors in higher-stakes scenarios.
What to Improve: Work on building confidence, assertiveness, and competency. Being approachable and warm is great, but without backing it up with capability, you risk being overlooked.
Warm, Caring, Helpful
This quadrant includes people who possess warmth, kindness, and a helping nature but may lack assertiveness or confidence. They often come across as genuine and thoughtful but might be overlooked in situations where authority or leadership is required. Without assertiveness, they may struggle to set boundaries or advocate for themselves in critical situations.
What to Strengthen: Assertiveness and confidence—learn to speak up, take charge, and show others that your kindness and care come with leadership.
Why Being a "Likeable Badass" Works
The Likeable Badass model, as defined by Alison Fragale, combines the best of both worlds—assertiveness and warmth. This combination helps you:
Build trust quickly with others while establishing your credibility.
Lead with confidence without being seen as too forceful or domineering.
Maintain relationships based on respect, not fear, by being both competent and compassionate.
Create lasting influence through both your professional competence and personal connections.
The Power of Likeability
While it’s important to note that we don’t owe anyone our likeability, likeability is still a powerful tool that can propel you forward in both your career and personal life. Research consistently shows that people who are perceived as likeable are more likely to be successful in gaining trust, building networks, and advancing professionally.
Likeability is not about people-pleasing or dimming your light to fit others’ expectations. It’s about being approachable, understanding, and able to connect with others in ways that create trust and open doors. When combined with assertiveness, likeability makes it easier for people to engage with you, support you, and follow your leadership. In short, while you don’t owe anyone your likeability, it’s undeniably a tool that makes everything else easier.
How to Step into Your "Likeable Badass" Persona
Develop Assertiveness: Assertiveness doesn’t mean being aggressive—it means expressing your thoughts, desires, and needs clearly and confidently. Practice setting boundaries and standing firm in your decisions.
Build Confidence: Confidence stems from competence and self-belief. Continually invest in developing your skills, and don’t be afraid to own your achievements.
Embody Warmth: Warmth is about connecting on a human level. Be approachable, listen actively, and show empathy. Don’t be afraid to share your authentic self.
Balance Both Traits: The key is finding the balance between these two qualities. Practice playing offense rather than defense. Be proactive in relationships and decision-making, but do so in a way that reflects care and consideration for others.
The Impact of Being a "Likeable Badass"
By integrating assertiveness and warmth, you don't just become a stronger leader; you also cultivate stronger relationships. Whether you're leading a team, managing personal connections, or navigating professional environments, this balanced approach will help you create the space you deserve without losing your authenticity.
Being a "Likeable Badass" is about showing up fully—confident in your capabilities and compassionate in your connections. By striking the perfect balance between assertiveness and warmth, you unlock your potential to influence, lead, and inspire with genuine impact. Embrace your badassery, and start showing the world that leadership can be both strong and kind.
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